i'm as confused as you are, sir.
something happens here.
something strange and vague and ambiguous and unpredictable and bizarre and odd and bipolar.
clicks above!
how bizarre.
It could be kwokwy, but it's actually VIVIAN!
I am 17, and I try to do art, which sometimes fail in spectacular, self-destructive ways!
Other times, it works out relatively fine, and I am happy for the moment!
I like thinking. Thinking is fun, especially if you're listening to music. You know, nice music.
Being close to someone works pretty good as well, I guess.
description
i am dazed and confused!
This is where i put all my un-personal items out on display.
If you break anything, you will be forced to pay for it!
Prices start from an ice cream cone cupcake and counting. :)
To think that I used to listen to their (less whiny in a way) counterpart, Good Charlotte. I WAS YOUNG I DIDN'T KNOW BETTER
The comments are hilarious too:
ApetheticANDempty "Why cant my parents see that I try. I wish people would just accept me for who I am. Highschool is hard to get through. Everyday is a struggle to be accepted. Im sorry..... Im sorry I cant be perfect."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA I love trying-too-hard-to-be-angsty teenage emo faux-punk! And their fans, too. They make me smile.
ice cream cone cupcakes
8:25 PM
It's an actual ... explosion-orgasm of decadent deliciousness!
Just look at the picture! <3
How can one look at it and not feel your heart melt at the very sight of it, whether from the sheer amount of cuteness/the thought of the future heart-attack eating one of them will give you? It's, like, EVERY KID'S DREAM. In one tiny little accessible cute package.
It's sort of if the tobacco company decided to market cigarettes to kids with the most awesome TV show ever. With, like, talking sharks and cute rabbit robots or something. You know, awesome stuff.
There's even a how-to video on it!
I actually thought they used real ice cream when I first heard of it, but frosting's pretty cool too. :) Maybe both!
I would very much adore one of my birthday, thank you very much.
Yes, okay IT WILL MAKE ME FAT IF I EAT IT, but let us listen to some words of wisdom, yes?
"oh come on people if you just have one it wouldnt be soooo bad.
Thank you, EmmaLynnn. :)
oh, my goshness
Friday, August 7, 2009 11:13 PM
THIS is the most sexy thing I have ever seen today.
I am so PUMPED. Except I don't have a PS3, but that's ... solvable!
Okay, fine, except maybe the Libertines, but a good dose of the Strokes should solve that!
In case you don't know who they are (somehow): - Influential garage rock/77s punk rock act - Released one extremely well-received album, Up The Bracket - Released the second album, still well-received, The Libertines - Broke up over relationship problems
FACTS TO KNOW: - Pete Doherty is a druggie; the worst kind - Pete Doherty & Carl Barat are totally gay for each other. Honestly. - No one cares about anyone in the band except for Pete Doherty & Carl Barat. - On that note, there's only two people in the band. - They wear awesome leather jackets.
SONGS TO LISTEN TO:
Up The Bracket - Up The Bracket
The Libertines - Can't Stand Me Now Their homo-erotic 'why can't we just make up? *cry*' song.
Don't Look Back Into The Sun This is a nice song.
INTERESTING NEWS: This is, like, after the break up.
[Quote: Wikipedia (it's true though)] "Speaking of Carl Barât and Pete Doherty, Roger Sargent (a close friend and photographer of the band) described their relationship as like "first love, and all the jealousy and obsessiveness that comes with that" - adding "I think there's, y'know, obsession and jealousy on both of their sides. They bitch about each other to each other or to other people. They have a bond, intellectually and spiritually, like nothing I've ever seen ... but sometimes, you know, you just think, God, why don't you just get a room?!"[52] In the same interview, a Radio One documentary, upon being asked just how close their relationship was, Doherty responded "I love him. Wouldn't go, um - certainly not on Radio 1 - go into too much detail, but... we had lots of wonderful times together, yeah."[52] But in contradiction, Barât, when questioned similarly, steadfastly denied that the relationship had involved anything "physical".[53] Carl Barât has insisted that "People are really into conjecture"[54] and has frequently denied having a sexual relationship with Doherty.[55] However, in a 2008 article, Barât described their relationship as "not too different from falling in love."[56]
The volatility and ardency of Barât's relationship with Doherty formed a significant, if not essential, aspect of their music and live performances. Doherty frequently posted passionate declarations addressed to Barât on the Libertines forum; in June 2002 he wrote, "I'm obsessed to the point of needing to know everything. All of you...I quite love you."[57] In another post from 2003, referring to an incident in 1997 in which Barât had wanted to form a suicide pact, Doherty wrote, 'let's keep going i love you i love you so much.'[58] Speaking of his separation from Doherty in 2004, Barât revealed, "There was one point where I very very nearly, just to be close to him, started taking full on heroin."[23]" [/unQuote]
I swear, they are bisexual. FOR EACH OTHER. How totally cool is that?
P.S: I do admire the both of them. Pete is cool. :)
oh, no, you don't get it
Thursday, August 6, 2009 11:04 PM
I sighed. It was time for my doctor's appointment, yet again. I wasn't looking forward to it, yet the potential situations ahead did not exactly leave me with much of a distaste in my mouth.
I sighed once again. Straightened my tie. Adjust my hair. Step inside room. Ready. Set. Go.
"Hello. Name, please?" "Vivian." "Real name, please." "It is my real name!" "Hrn. We don't like it very much. Please hold still."
----
"You seem to have some problems. That is not something we particularly appreciate." "I, uhh, ... problems, like?" "We don't like your eyes." "What's wrong with them?!" "We don't like them." "And how is that a problem?"
There was a pause. A long-drawn, stale and decomposing one.
"Excuse me?" "...I... nevermind. So what are you planning to do with them?" "We believe that we should remove them and replace them with better ones." "But I like my eyes!" "Your point?" "I like them!" "Your point?" "I.... oh, fuck it, I'm not doing it." "Oh, really?" "Yes, I'm ... wait, isn't this optional?" "Is it, now?" "...yes?" "No. The operation begins tomorrow. Be here at 9 am."
With that, I was forcibly evicted from the doctor's room. The next day, I found myself inexplicably back at the doctor's room. At 9 am, sharp. Perhaps I was drugged, I thought to myself.
"Are you ready for the operation?" "OH GOD NO!" "Perfect."
With that, I was out. After a few hours, the black in my eyes faded to the sight of the doctor sitting in front of me.
"How are you feeling?" "....fucking horrible." "Ah, we think that calls for further checks." "You just enjoy this, don't you?" "No, it's just our job."
I blinked a couple of times. Were my eyes really removed and replaced?
"Are my eyes..." "New and improved? Yes, of course." "What's the ... difference?" "Can you see me?" "Picture perfect." "Can you see yourself?" "Of co-...you. Have. Got. To. Be- this ... this can't be serious, can it? You're playing a fucking prank on me, aren't you?" "It's deliberate." "...YOU FU-" "Time for more checks, then."
Injection of morphine. Fitful bliss.
"Feeling better?" "...why are you doing this to me?" "Feeling better?" "What did I ever do to anyone?!" "Feeling better?" "...no, not really, no!" "We have ran more checks. We are not very happy. You must have more operations. It will be good for you." "Not happy?! You took out my eyes and-and... fucked them up!!!" "Yes, we are happy about that." "What was even the point of that?!" "You have a problem with ego." "And taking out my eyes will solve that?!" "Yes." "...So, what now? My brain?!" "Yes." "...sorry?"
The third dose of morphine in a day!
"Good morning." "..." "I said, good morning." "..." "Do I have to repeat myself 3 times over? ... Good morning." "..." "More tests." "...good morning." "How's your head?" "I have a headache." "Wonderful. Please do come back again." "I still don't underst-"
The slight bite of morphine injections were beginning to seem familiar to me.
I woke up the next day in another doctor's room.
"Hello, what's your name?" "Umm, Vivian." "No, your real name." "...it is!" "Hmm."
He murmured something along the lines of 'pathological liar' and scribbled something into a notepad.
"Do you have any pains, anywhere?" "My head hurts." "Münchausen syndrome." "...I hate you." "Borderline personality disorder." "Can I go now?" "Histrionic personality disorder." "I'M NOT HISTRIONIC!!!" "Bipolar mood disorder." "I'm fucking out of here."
I left the door. As I was rushing down the spiraling staircase to my freedom, I heard the doctor continue.
"Oh, no, you don't get it, do you? You don't leave us. We leave you."
I didn't even notice the fifth injection. I really hate trips to the doctors.
the crack of doom is coming soon
9:49 PM
THE TIGER LILLIES
Genre: Dark cabaret Lyrics: Extremely dark, black humour, blasphemous comedy, surreal morbidity, nightmarish, nihilistic excess, misanthropic filth, hedonistic decadence, everything so wrong with the world that feels so right
Bad Blood and Blasphemy - Crack Of Doom The live version is KILLER. The recorded version's alright, but it doesn't capture the ... emotional power of the live version.
And so your life's been a success And you have pleasure in excess Don't worry it will all end soon The crack of doom is coming soon And so your future's looking bright And you've reached the giddy heights Don't worry it will soon end It is all shallow and pretend
The crack of doom Is coming soon The crack of doom Is coming soon HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA
And so your life Your life has failed You've made the progress of a snail Don't worry you'll get your revenge For we're all equal in the end The small and mighty all the same This life a shallow, facile game Where every empire turns to dust And every ego will be crushed
The crack of doom Is coming soon The crack of doom Is coming soon Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha ha-ha
And every dream, hope and desire Is just a flicker in the fire And that fire it will consume The crack of doom Is coming soon
The crack of doom is coming soon The crack of doom is coming soon The crack of doom is coming soon The crack of doom is coming soon The crack of doom is coming soon The crack of doom is coming soon The crack of doom is coming soon The crack of doom Doom Is coming soon
Shockheaded Peter - Bully Boys This song was written around a play they had conceived, based on the morality tales of Der Struwwelpeter, but, of course, made much MUCH darker. It's called (ah ha!) Shockheaded Peter.
Well as he'd often done before My neighbour from next door One fine summer's day went out To the shops to walk about
And as he found it hot poor fella He took with him his green umbrella When Edward noisy little wag He came out and waved his flag
And William came in jacket trim And brought his wooden hoop with him And Arthur brought his toys And joined the other bully boys Well those silly bully boys They lost all their toys
Well tall Agrippa lives close by So tall he almost touched the sky He was giant through and through He was giant through and through
He called out in an angry tone To leave my neighbour alone But they didn't mind a bit What tall Agrippa said of it
Well those silly bully boys They lost more than their toys
Well tall Agrippa foamed with rage Just look at him on this very page He seizes Arthur seizes Ned He smashes all their tiny heads
Then they don't scream and they don't call They are corpses one and all Three little corpses one two three They're all as dead as can be
Well those silly bully boys They lost more than their toys Well those silly bully boys Because Agrippa they annoyed Well those silly bully boys They lost more than their toys Silly bully boys Because Agrippa they annoyed
Enjoy your daily dose of fuckedupness!
All thanks to me~
mwahaha i am going to become a nerd
Wednesday, August 5, 2009 10:36 PM
I'm finally going to get glasses! Yay!
No, it's fucking horrible. :( I'll look like a total nerd. Ah wells.
A fat nerd
the initiation ritual of mr. duke (part 1)
Tuesday, August 4, 2009 10:37 PM
This is fiction. ---------------
I still couldn't get over everything. Ever since that night, everything had been so alienating to me. I never felt quite so much as an outsider before.
Perhaps it was because I grew up, but I never connected with anyone the same way anymore. Not physically, not socially, and certainly not emotionally. You remember, Paul, that night? Do you? I think you do.
But, nevermind. Let's refresh both our memories, yes? After all, it's just the two of us, the night is long, and we both still have our lives ahead of us. Oh, how poignant.
Ah yes, that night. What did we call it, the 'Fright Night'? How immature we both were, but then again, it was quite a shocker, you have to admit. Never would have imagined waking one day and ... not understanding a word of everyone else, would you? It was incredibly surreal how it all happened, though. I was sound asleep when it all happened. Slept like a log on that night. Funny how that happens, yes? I always did enjoy staying up late, but I just happened to be so tired on that one night of that one day of that one month of that one year. What are the chances? No, please don't try to calculate it.
You were asleep too, weren't you? I was asleep, so I guess you must have been to. Otherwise, you wouldn't be right here with me. You'll simply be part of them. Anyway, anyway! What happened that night? Well, we shall never know, will we? We can only guess. Or maybe the both of us are just having hallucinations. Mass hallucinations of everyone else in the world except for us.
I didn't hear anything when I was sleeping. Otherwise, I would have woken up. I'm such a light sleeper, you know? I used to suffer from insomnia, in a way, because of that. I would be sleeping and then "Oh god, the wind!", and I would spent the rest of the night in fitful bursts of paralysis. Did you hear anything? No? Alright, then.
You really are just me, aren't you? You're like a parrot. Not to say that I dislike parrots, but just saying that you're one. Don't get offended, please! You're the only one left in the world apart from me. We need each other. Don't we? I think we do.
Anyway, Paul, remember waking up the next day? What a doozy! I thought I was still dreaming, but how could I have been dreaming for the whole day? It was like a surrealist painting, didn't you remember, the first time you saw, before you got used to it? I first realised something was wrong when I looked out of the window and saw an object walk past, which sparked a memory of the Elephant Celebes. What was yours? Oh, the same thing?
We live such similiar lives! Tut tut, Paul, everyone needs a little variety in their lives.
I would have liked to say that the sight freaked me out, or even induced a reaction of some sort apart of slight shock, but I would have been lying. I can still remember the exact words I said then. Now, this might be a letdown to you, but really, all I remember doing was a slight twitch of the eyebrows, a loosening of the mouth, and a short exclamation of surprise. "Oh, that's weird." Was that normal? Oh, why am I even asking you, of all people? I do miss normality. Well, I mean, normality I could have actually obtained, somehow. It's too late now, isn't it? Yes, it is, I realised.
At that time, I thought it was an isolated incident. You know, you see one odd sight, but what's the matter? It's just one, you know. You move on with life. But that day, walking past Mister Elephant were a bunch of (I assume now, but at that time, I was quite confused) giggling schoolgirls. The strangest thing, at that moment, was that they were all perfectly normal. You know, apart from the heads. I can still remember how I frantically went to check my own head in the mirror, but it remained unchanged. As I went back to the window of oddities, I began to wonder if, by any chance, the circus freakshow had come to town.
At that, I remember I went downstairs to ask my parents for their opinion. What a shock. What a shock. What a fucking shock.
Oh dear, I seem to have run out of time. You know, the best (and worst, if you think about it) thing about today is that I don't understand a word of what anyone is saying. Yes, Father, please continue producing weird noises, because I have no idea what you are trying to express.
You know, I have a feeling he's a bit angry. His noises seem to be a tad louder than usual. Anyway, I will talk to you soon. We shall get through this together, yes? Yes, wonderful.
Yours, Mr. Duke
i am so fat
6:41 PM
My god, I am so jealous.
So, so, so, so ...
I am like an air freshener which dispenses little molecules of badness.
On a side note, I have defeated the silly little math question. After much thought. This is very good news. :) I have slayed the wicked monster. Let us have a moment of silence for silent reflection.
P.S: I am going to grow into a porker. :(
dun dun dun
Monday, August 3, 2009 10:16 PM
I think my current mood can be summed up in like, a couple of songs.
Justice - Stress
Genghis Tron - Things Don't Look Good
Queens Of The Stone Age - Sick, Sick, Sick
And, strangely...
The Strokes - Soma
lalalalalalala~ oh god stress is horrible
how is this even possible?!
9:57 PM
I can not be defeated by a fucking number patterns question! The FIRST one! The EASY one!
Especially after I have finished the hardest ones at the back with (near) full marks! HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?!
I mean, honestly, God, you're just screwing with me, right? Haha it's really funny let's teach this poor bastard a lesson OKAY YES it's funny now can I puhlease just do my question now? :(
The worst thing is that I've probably done the exact same question somewhere else before.
My self-esteem has just shriveled up and dried like a little raisin that no one wants to eat, which is left to sit on a shelf for all eternity until 5 years later, when a cockroach comes to take it away and eats it and dies from FOOD POISONING and then the ants come and eat the cockroach and they all DIE from the same toxic raisin (which is my now non-existent self-esteem) and then the queen ant will be like "omg where is my food i am fucking starving" and then it'll die from STARVATION and then she won't be able to produce eggs of future queens, which won't be able to mate anymore and produce any more ant colonies and then the birds will be all like "oh gosh there seems to be a shortage of food" and resort to cannibalism and then the insects will be like "aww hell yeah they're eating each other" and then proceed to REPRODUCE RAPIDLY and cover the whole world in insects and everyone will be dying or near-dying because of insect-related anxiety disorders and then the world will be OVERRUN by insects who will fight for survival with crudely fashioned weapons (as learnt from the now scared-to-death humans) and then they will kill each other with nukes made from ammonia in the soil and everything in the world will be dead except the oceans and then an octopus will stick a tentacle out of the waters and be all like "oh hey the outside world actually doesn't seem that bad I think i tried hard enough i will be able to walk" and then one billion zillion years later the first octopus will walk on land and it will rule over the earth with an iron tentacle and then they will build huge tripods to house their decaying bodies (evolution prefers the development of the mind over the body) and then they will make a giant telescope and look at Mars and look at an old book of War of the Worlds and be like "oh i love dramatic irony, don't you?" and they will shoot huge rockets at Mars to invade it and 1 year later the tripods will awaken and find that there is absolutely nothing on Mars and they just wasted all their time and now they are stuck on Mars because they did not plan on there not being anything there at all and so they built their little colony on Mars and lived life as it ought to have been lived and for millions and millions of years absolutely nothing happened then another species of humans evolved from the first octopus that walked on land and then the octopuses on mars were like "oh hey let's invade them this time seems fun" and they shot the cannons and a lot of bad things happened because i couldn't do a fucking math question.
THIS. IS. SILLY.
hello, mr. greyscale, where has mdm. colour gone to today?
Sunday, August 2, 2009 10:59 PM
While doing up my IHS presentation (which I am spending an unreasonably high amount of time on BTW), I have discovered a healthy respect for the colour GREY.
[colour faggot]It's like black, but not so strong, you know? And it's just like white, but not so ... anaemic. [/colour faggot] It is a nice colour, though. Especially the weak greys.
How fantastical!
Ah ha okay back to IHS!
electro punk baby, yeah!
4:38 PM
Ah ha this is pretty funnily adorable.
The song isn't as bad as I thought, either.
Awww, she's going to grow up to be the next Alice Glass. <3
large hadron collider
it's all slipping past me
I have no idea what to put in here for the time being, but we will deal with it!
Why doesn't everything turn out the way we want it to?
It won't be as fun, of course, but still.
credits
unremovable
layout by leen
textures from 1234
pictures from 12
polaroids from sxc
and lots of hugs and kisses from me
my lovelys
the ambassadors of songs
these are done in three, you see? they get me through the day.
yes, I lie quite a bit. get over it.
- Animal Collective, Aphex Twin, Arcade Fire
Architecture in Helsinki, Asobi Seksu, Babyshambles, Babybird Basement Jaxx, Battles, Bauhaus, Billy Talent The Blood Brothers, Blood Red Shoes, Camera Obscura
Children of Bodom, Circle Takes The Square, Crass Crystal Castles, Cut Copy, Cansei de Ser Sexy, Daft Punk The Death Set, Devin Townsend, Dip
Dirty Pretty Things, Does It Offend You, Yeah?, Elbow
Electric Light Orchestra, Electric Six, Fake Shark - Real Zombie!
The Fiery Furnaces, The Flashbulb, Foals, Fool's Gold
Franz Ferdinand, Fuck Buttons, Gallows, Genghis Tron
Genki Rockets, Girls, The Go! Team
Gold Panda, Gorillaz, Grizzly Bear HEARTSREVOLUTION, The Horrors, Ida Maria, Iggy Pop
Jason Forrest, Jimi Hendrix, Joy Division, The Joy Formidable Justice, Late Of The Pier, Les Savy Fav, The Libertines Lily Allen, Los Campesinos!, M83
Manic Street Preachers, Marilyn Manson, Marmaduke Duke, Matt And Kim
Metric, MGMT, Midnight Juggernauts, Mindless Self Indulgence Modest Mouse, Mors Principium Est, Muse
My Robot Friend, Nine Inch Nails, No Age
Now, Now Every Children, The Number Twelve Looks Like You, The Octopus Project, Oh No! Oh My! Pete and the Pirates, Phoenix, Peter Bjorn And John
The Pipettes, Plastic Operator, Pretty Girls Make Graves
Prinzhorn Dance School, The Prodigy, Queens Of The Stone Age Radiohead, Ratatat, Ramona Falls
Red Wire Black Wire, Regina Spektor, Robots In Disguise Rolo Tomassi, Sex Pistols, St.Vincent, The Strange Boys, The Strokes(<3)
The Subways, Sugar Army, Super Furry Animals, Tera Melos, Test Icicles Them Crooked Vultures, The Tiger Lillies, Tokyo Police Club, Towers Of London
TV On The Radio, Ulver, The Velvet Underground, Vitalic
The Walkmen, The Vines, Wavves, The White Stripes The XX, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Yo La Tengo
the ambassadors of words
I'll think up of it as i go along, because my eyes are currently red and sore from lack of sleep.
You can have Watchmen, though.
the ambassadors of film
28 Days Later, 9 Souls, A Clockwork Orange, Alien(s)
All Quiet On The Western Front , American Psycho, Battle Royale, Blade Runner, Batman (Begins & The Dark Knight)
The Birds, Blazing Saddles, The Blob, Brokeback Mountain
Brotherhood of the Wolf, Catch Me If You Can, Chaplin
Children Of Men, City of God, Clerks, Dog Day Afternoon
Donnie Darko, Dr. Strangelove, Dune
El Topo, Empire of the Sun, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind The Exorcist, Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas, Full Metal Jacket
Ghost World, The Godfather, Godzilla (Japanese series), The Good, The Bad and The Ugly Goodfellas, Graveyard of the Fireflies, Groundhog Day, Hellboy (series)
Howl's Moving Castle, Identity, The Iron Giant, Jesus Christ Superstar Mad Max, The Matrix, Millennium Actress, Monty Python's The Meaning of Life Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Monty Python's The Life of Brian, My Neighbor Totoro
Nightmare On Elm Street, No Country For Old Men, The Omega Man
Pan's Labyrinth, Princess Mononoke, Paprika
Rabbit-Proof Fence, The Ring, Rocky, The Running Man Samurai Fiction, Scarface, Seven Samurai
The Shawshank Redemption, The Silence of the Lambs, Spirited Away, Suicide Club, Survive Style 5+ The Terminator (1 & 2), There Will Be Blood, To Kill A Mockingbird, Tokyo Godfathers, Trainspotting V For Vendetta, Watership Down, The Wizard Of Oz, The World's Fastest Indian Yojimbo, Zulu