ticktockticktock what's that
Friday, September 18, 2009 10:38 PM
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HORROR VACUI
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Dear Diary,
I am a man, I am alone, and you are my only friend. Hell, friend's a bad word to use. You're my only
confidante. Friends.
I have lots of friends. Yes, no? Yes, I do. What are friends? People you talk to on a regular basis, sometimes with engaging conversation? Oh, hold on, those are acquaintances. Friends, you depend on them for the all-so-important emotional support.
Scrap all the above. I have many acquaintances. Acquaintances, yes, people you talk to, to distract myself from the fact that I have no friends. No friends, you couldn't ask because you are simply a book with pages inside? Yes, no friends, I reply earnestly with all my heart.
Some people call me paranoid, you know. Mr Paranoia. Mister Insecure.
Aw, I'm sure they didn't mean it that way, don't be PARANOID Well, I can't help it, if they
did mean it that way, can I? It's not my fault, no, I don't think so. It's all theirs. How can I help being paranoid if everyone just reasserts my reasons for being so?
UGLY TRUTH AHEAD, but I think the most irritating thing about life is that you can never truly know if someone likes you as much as they say they do.
Oh, I love you Oh, bullshit. Do you, now, do you?
See, the thing is, how would I know? How would I know? And on the opposite, more viable, spectrum, how would I know that you don't dislike me? Ambiguity is worse than the most brutal of truths. Why can't we ever hear the all-so-important life building words "Oh, we hate you, really. We don't actually want to talk to you, because you're just a hanger-on. We don't like parasites."?
If you really like me, why do we never seem to talk about anything important? Oh, yeah, we talk somewhat a lot, maybe. It's all crap, though. Total, total, pure crap. It's all irrelevent. I don't actually have true friends, you see. It's all
shallow. Shallow, shallow conversations. Shallow heart-to-heart talks.
I think all my supposed 'friends' don't actually want to talk to me, per se. Just that they have no choice. There's no one else to talk to, no one vaguely permissible to wile away the time with. Oh, maybe they're here now, but with time, they'll all disappear.
THEY ALL CAN'T WAIT FOR ME TO GO.
I can tell, from all their subtle little movements. The flicking of the eyes, the tweaking of their positions, the shifting of the hands. They are all clearly reluctant to actually spend time with me. When someone better comes along, they'll all go. You'll see, you'll see, they will. The difference in the tone of their voice, the halted smile.
I am like a hawk, scouting my prey, that elusive rabbit of truth. I circle the skies for a reason, and one reason only. I swoop down.
They think I don't know the truth. But I do,
now. I DO. And they fault me for being paranoid? I'll like to think of it as taking precautions. If one cannot control the waves, one has to build a dam.
I think they are all more insecure than me. I KNOW, you see? I know what people think of me, and they all simply don't. But, yet, why do I want to be ignorant all over again? If one could erase memories...
Knowledge is power. Or is it ignorance is bliss?
Either way.
Yours sincerely,
Tyrannicidal Rex
my lovelys
the ambassadors of songs
these are done in three, you see? they get me through the day.
yes, I lie quite a bit. get over it.
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Animal Collective, Aphex Twin,
Arcade Fire
Architecture in Helsinki, Asobi Seksu, Babyshambles, Babybird
Basement Jaxx, Battles, Bauhaus, Billy Talent
The Blood Brothers, Blood Red Shoes, Camera Obscura
Children of Bodom, Circle Takes The Square, Crass
Crystal Castles, Cut Copy, Cansei de Ser Sexy, Daft Punk
The Death Set,
Devin Townsend, Dip
Dirty Pretty Things, Does It Offend You, Yeah?, Elbow
Electric Light Orchestra, Electric Six, Fake Shark - Real Zombie!
The Fiery Furnaces, The Flashbulb,
Foals, Fool's Gold
Franz Ferdinand,
Fuck Buttons, Gallows,
Genghis Tron
Genki Rockets, Girls,
The Go! Team
Gold Panda, Gorillaz, Grizzly Bear
HEARTSREVOLUTION,
The Horrors, Ida Maria, Iggy Pop
Jason Forrest, Jimi Hendrix, Joy Division,
The Joy Formidable
Justice,
Late Of The Pier, Les Savy Fav, The Libertines
Lily Allen,
Los Campesinos!, M83
Manic Street Preachers, Marilyn Manson, Marmaduke Duke, Matt And Kim
Metric, MGMT, Midnight Juggernauts, Mindless Self Indulgence
Modest Mouse, Mors Principium Est, Muse
My Robot Friend,
Nine Inch Nails,
No Age
Now, Now Every Children,
The Number Twelve Looks Like You,
The Octopus Project, Oh No! Oh My!
Pete and the Pirates, Phoenix, Peter Bjorn And John
The Pipettes, Plastic Operator, Pretty Girls Make Graves
Prinzhorn Dance School, The Prodigy,
Queens Of The Stone Age
Radiohead, Ratatat, Ramona Falls
Red Wire Black Wire, Regina Spektor, Robots In Disguise
Rolo Tomassi,
Sex Pistols,
St.Vincent, The Strange Boys,
The Strokes(<3)
The Subways, Sugar Army, Super Furry Animals,
Tera Melos,
Test Icicles
Them Crooked Vultures,
The Tiger Lillies, Tokyo Police Club, Towers Of London
TV On The Radio, Ulver,
The Velvet Underground, Vitalic
The Walkmen, The Vines,
Wavves,
The White Stripes
The XX,
Yeah Yeah Yeahs,
Yo La Tengo
the ambassadors of words
I'll think up of it as i go along, because my eyes are currently red and sore from lack of sleep.
You can have Watchmen, though.
the ambassadors of film
28 Days Later, 9 Souls, A Clockwork Orange, Alien(s)
All Quiet On The Western Front
, American Psycho, Battle Royale, Blade Runner, Batman (Begins & The Dark Knight)
The Birds, Blazing Saddles, The Blob, Brokeback Mountain
Brotherhood of the Wolf, Catch Me If You Can, Chaplin
Children Of Men, City of God, Clerks, Dog Day Afternoon
Donnie Darko, Dr. Strangelove, Dune
El Topo, Empire of the Sun, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
The Exorcist, Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas, Full Metal Jacket
Ghost World, The Godfather, Godzilla (Japanese series), The Good, The Bad and The Ugly
Goodfellas, Graveyard of the Fireflies, Groundhog Day, Hellboy (series)
Howl's Moving Castle, Identity, The Iron Giant, Jesus Christ Superstar
Mad Max, The Matrix, Millennium Actress, Monty Python's The Meaning of Life
Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Monty Python's The Life of Brian, My Neighbor Totoro
Nightmare On Elm Street, No Country For Old Men, The Omega Man
Pan's Labyrinth, Princess Mononoke, Paprika
Rabbit-Proof Fence, The Ring, Rocky, The Running Man
Samurai Fiction, Scarface, Seven Samurai
The Shawshank Redemption, The Silence of the Lambs, Spirited Away, Suicide Club, Survive Style 5+
The Terminator (1 & 2), There Will Be Blood, To Kill A Mockingbird, Tokyo Godfathers, Trainspotting
V For Vendetta, Watership Down, The Wizard Of Oz, The World's Fastest Indian
Yojimbo, Zulu
