nevermindyou.

about entries loves blah

elaboration

i'm as confused as you are, sir. something happens here.
something strange and vague and ambiguous and unpredictable and bizarre and odd and bipolar.
clicks above!

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I am CURRENTLY:
- Reading Catch-22
- Playing Gang Garrison 2
- Listening to the Red Alert 2 soundtrack (because it was completely orgasmic)
- Wondering if I'm either being overly optimistic or pessimistic
- Still using Daily Drop Caps
- Watching mikelat play through Mass Effect 2 and Bioshock 2. He's the most awesome thing I've ever found, I swear.

run, dog, run

Wednesday, August 12, 2009 8:29 PM

three words, silly. three silly words.

watch the bees. watch them work. watch them function. see them frustrated. see them mad. drive them mad. see the supermarket counter. cashiers, apathetic, work. customers, jaded, consume. workers, greedy, stock. mothers, tired, browse. fathers, distracted, drink. they get drunk.
walk into sunlight. feel sweat form. regret leaving comfort. doesn't matter anymore. pride's more important. don't look stupid. walk, idiot, walk. please avoid blockage. please avoid uselessness. obstructions will be cleared. can i walk. please, let me. get away, please. i'll walk through. you don't matter. walking is fun. sometimes, it is. sometimes, not so.
the stoics won. they were right. emotions are weak. emotions are redundant. free from suffering. through inner peace. peace of mind. freedom from passions. have clear judgement. emotions make pain. emotions make ecstasy. you can't think. not with emotions. not properly, no. objectivity is key. we need objectives. goals, goals, goals. unattainable goals, maybe.
must understand nature. nature is cruel. red of tooth. red of claw. eat the dead. kill the living. leave the sick. nature is indifferent. you live, great. you die, better. struggles to survive. distracts from issues. first world countries. privileged happy childhoods. no more struggles. no more survival. you need food. eat your dinner. you need money. ask your parents. you need distractions. talk to friends. no more distractions. stare at it. look, your issues. look, right there. staring at you. blink, blink, blink.
solve your issues. only need yourself. others not included. it's not needed. bitch to friends. no, not needed. complain to people. no, you whiner. your life's sad. oh, is it. rich, rich, rich. like a hot mess. rich, rich, rich. you have problems. solve with money. drink it away. fuck it away. gossip it away. distract it away. get good schooling. live life happy. mindless desk job. earn reasonable salaries. find nice girls. court her constantly. get parental consent. marriage, congratulations, you. children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren. die in contentment. holding wife's hand. so idealistically romantic. oh, no, really. your life sucks. you poor thing. poor, privileged thing. i didn't know. oh, that sucks. do go on. i am fascinated. your issues, wow. they are crippling. i should sympathise. okay, i'll try.
did you hear. have you heard. did you know. oh, you know. did i say.
justice's too loud. hurts my ears. well, oh, well. life is pointless. get over it. in 100 years. we are dead. a billion years. the sun collapses. we all die. oh, heat death. everything is dead. great universal entropy. goodbye, everything else. hello, new universe. the big bang. all over again. control alt delete. press restart button. we all die. we don't revive.
we must control. control that sneeze. oh, you didn't. we are weak. we don't control. not very well. separate from irrelevence. live for oneself. pursue your dreams. they don't like it. oh, too bad. they aren't supportive. oh, so sad. individualism builds barriers. loneliness builds strength. anxiety builds creativity. aloofness builds mystique. like tiny ghosts. flapping in wind. what are those. are those ghosts. that's a mystery. what's he thinking. i don't know.
we all forget. leave our bodies. cut, paste, snip. empty canvas papers. delete the imperfection.
we all forget. 10 years later. do you remember. what's your name. oh, i forgot. i am sorry. we split ways. i go here. you go there.
my robot voice. i am emotionless. really, am i. you know me. oh, you don't. that is surprisingly. i am impulsive. i must control. regret this later.

i must confess. i already do.

[end]